Kim Jong Un has now been officially presented to the people of North Korea as Supreme Leader, with the full backing of the Workers Party and the military. Exclusive coverage from our sources in North Korea reveal the Supreme Leader’s first actions at the helm of the DPRK.
“After the long procession to the tomb where his father, Dear Leader Kim Jong Il will be embalmed, Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un spent hours tirelessly meeting with party members and tending to affairs of the state. The Supreme Leader of the People’s Worker Party will now retire to his rooms where he will play Xboxu against South Korea, in an effort to unify the country.”
“Teabaggu! Teabaggu!” the Supreme Leader shouts, as he swings his benevolent jowls back and forth after a glorious triumph in a Halo deathmatch”. His late father, Dear Leader, was a cinematic genius. Supreme Leader’s prowess is instead in the art of video games. He has graciously designed a console for North Koreans, called The People’s Box which will begin production shortly. The first title for release will be “Run, Jump, and Kill Imperialist Americans” and will be issued to each citizen of the DPRK.
“When asked by an ambassador of his plans for managing the DPRK food shortage, Supreme Leader proudly took them on a tour of his Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza garden, and he has used his superior intellect to predict it will start growing Stouffer’s French Bread Pizzas by spring.”